Understand
I get tired of people who have a reaction they've cultivated just for other people's
weird remarks. I'm sure you've seen it; that smile that's too wide by just a fraction
of an inch, the forced laugh, and the eyes that seem to say, "I have no interest in
what you say; it makes no sense to me, but I'm not going to say so because I'm too
nice." I want to shake those people and ask, "Why not say what you mean and get it
over with? Look! Do you really think I can't see what that look means? Do you think
I really think of how nice you think you are if you don't even try to understand?" I
have slightly more tolerance for the people who are honest enough to actually speak
that thought, who say, "Ohhhh-kayyyyy. . . I don't get that," or "Whatever," or "You're
scaring me," but even to them I want to say,"So you're honest, but what of it? I don't
understand how that helps anything. You don't want to know, so I won't tell you, but
why? Why can't you understand; is it really that hard? Is it really so much of an
inside joke that I can't explain? Look! Do you really think I say these things just
because no one can understand them? Do you really think I say these things to build a
reputation on being 'weird'? And what do you mean when you say I scare you? I don't
understand! What does scary mean to you?"
Spring '99