Hi there, and welcome to The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth? Last week we interviewed Romeo and Juliet of Shakespeare's fine tragedy, Romeo and Juliet. Today we'll interview Rosaline, The Little Old Lady Across the Street across the street from the Capulets, and Paris. We now go to Rosaline's house.
Interviewer: Hi, I'm Gregory Sampson from The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth? and I'd like you to answer a few questions for me.
Rosaline: Sure, why not?
Interviewer: Did you ever know Romeo Montague?
Rosaline: Who? Oh, that Romeo Montague? Isn't he, like, that kid that killed himself last week?
Interviewer: Er, well, uh, so did you know him?
Rosaline: Know him? Are you kidding? The kid was, like, a Montague! I am a Capulet! Capulets and Montagues, like, don't hang out together.
Interviewer: Even after Romeo and Juliet, who was your cousin, killed themselves?
Rosaline: Like, whaddaya expect? Like I said, it only happened last week. You, like, really think everyone's gonna, like, forget lifetimes of hatred and stuff in a week?
Interviewer: Um, well, I guess not. So, what do you think of love at first sight?
Rosaline: I don't think it exists. Sure, a crush or something, but actual love, like, takes longer to grow and stuff.
Interviewer: Were you aware of the fact that Romeo was deeply in love with you before he fell in love with Juliet?
Rosaline: Which goes to show he shoulda, like, waited longer before marrying her in case he, like, fell in love with someone else.
Interviewer: Whom do you think would have been a better choice for Juliet to marry: Paris or Romeo?
Rosaline: I think Paris woulda been way better. For one thing, he was, like, a Count, and he was, like, related to the Prince. And he was so cute! Besides, he wasn't so wishy-washy. And he, like, cared for her, 'cause he was, like, paying his respects and stuff when that idiot Romeo killed him.
Interviewer: Well, thank you. We'll have to move on to The Little Old Lady Across the Street now.
Rosaline: Yeah. Right.
Commercial Break. "Next on the Shakespeare Channel: In these days, it's hard to believe that Romeo and Juliet would have had to marry in secret, that Juliet would have married at age fourteen, and that her parents would have forced her to marry a guy she'd hardly ever seen in her life. It's also hard to believe that Romeo and Juliet would have killed themselves because they couldn't be together. The psychological reasons behind all these phenomena will be explored on The Profound Psychological Problems of Shakespeare's Tragic Protagonists at 9/10 Central."
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Welcome back to The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth? We are now going to the home of The Little Old Lady Across the Street.
Interviewer: Hello there, Ms. the Street.
The: Oh, please, go ahead and call me The.
Interviewer: Well, The, I'm Gregory Sampson from The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth? and I'd like to ask you a few questions.
The: You may.
Interviewer: I understand you live across the street from the Capulets.
The: That's right. Such a lovely daughter they had, too. It was such a shame when she killed herself, but it was so sweet that she did it for her true love.
Interviewer: So you believe in love at first sight?
The: Absolutely! It's a wonderful thing. And so is young love. It's just so sweet when they fall in love just like that.
Interviewer: Ah. Do you think it was smart of Juliet to marry Romeo, whom she'd just met the previous night?
The: Well, since it was in the interest of true love, of course it was.
Interviewer: Even though she was only fourteen?
The: She would have married Paris anyway.
Interviewer: But what about Rosaline? Romeo was in love with her before he met Juliet. Wouldn't that qualify as true love, young love, and love at first sight?
The: But he said that was just his imagination. He just thought he fell in love with her.
Interviewer: So why did he genuinely love Juliet, then? Where did the difference lie?
The: Well, uh, I have to babysit my grandchildren. Thank you for coming.
Interviewer: You're quite welcome. I have to visit the ghost of Paris now.
Commercial Break. "'Oh, no! I have to marry some guy my parents picked out for me, and my true love is out of town because he was banished! I wish I could die and come back after the wedding!' Well, now your wish can come true, with one dose of Friar Laurence's Sleeping Potion. You will fall into a deep sleep, and appear to be dead for forty-two hours. Meanwhile, your true love can come back and carry you off to where he's living. Problem solved! 'Oh, thank you so much!' Caution: Not to be used if you are relying on the US Postal Service to tell your true love of your plans.
Welcome back to The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth? We will now go to the Capulets' tomb to interview Paris' ghost and see what he has to say about all this.
Interviewer: Hi, Paris. Uh, do you mind if I call you Paris?
Paris: That's fine.
Interview: What is your last name, anyway?
Paris: I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but since I'm dead, it doesn't make much difference. Paris is my last name. I have some property there. My full name is "Plaster of Paris".
Interviewer: Plaster of Paris!?
Paris: *mutters* I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
*to Interviewer* Uh, yes, Plaster of Paris. If you don't mind, I believe
you had an interview with me?
Interviewer: Well, yes, I do.
Paris: Start it, then.
Interviewer: All right, first question. Did you love Juliet?
Paris: Well, when I first saw her at Friar Laurence's cell, she seemed a very nice girl, a modest and proper girl. She was kind of cute, sweet, too. I was really sad that she was grieving over Tybalt so much, though I guess it was really Romeo. And I was really devastated when she died. I think I could have grown to really love her.
Interviewer: Do you know that the first time she died, she was only using a potion to feign death?
Paris: Yes. I guess when Romeo was banished, she felt the same way I did when she died the first time. She was really devoted to him, which is sad, but sweet.
Interviewer: So what do you think of Romeo? I mean, he is the guy that killed you.
Paris: Well, I didn't understand then. I just thought of him as some Montague, the evil guy that killed Juliet's cousin. Nobody ever told me that Tybalt had killed Romeo's best friend, that he was after Romeo, too. It was a protection thing, a revenge thing. And he was so distraught at Juliet's grave. He did give me fair warning. I don't think either of us were really in our right minds. I don't think he really meant to kill me. As for his loving Juliet, even being her husband, I don't begrudge Romeo that. If she was happy with him. . . Someone once said the greatest sign of love is being able to let someone go. That's what I'd do if I could live my life over again.
Interviewer: How did you find all this out? I mean, who filled you in on the parts you weren't there for.
Paris: Romeo and Juliet told me. They're ghosts, too, now, you know.
Interviewer: We're out of time now. Thank you for answering my questions.
Paris: Oh, you're welcome. Any time.
Next week, on The Course of True Love: Did It Ever Run Smooth?, we interview Lysander, Hermia, Helena, and Demetrius to find out whether the course of love ran smooth in ancient Athens. This is Gregory Sampson. Thank you, and good night.
Fall '97
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